Monday, January 28, 2013


A week or so ago I read a blog post by Epic Insanity about what his legacy would be. His post was based on a twitter question of a friend of his. Epic's post really hit a chord with me (read it here ). Especially the separation he keeps in his own life. As I have shared previously I do the same thing. Most people that know me in my "real" life do not know I game or the extent that I do. Or how much geek culture I know thanks to my husband and others. Most of my friends would think I lost my mind if they knew I offered to give my hubby Oomaxs (he hit the floor laughing, apparently he assumed I was not paying attention to all the DS9 he was making me watch.) But as usual I am rambling from the point.

What would happen if I died tomorrow? Would I be happy with what I leave behind? Hell no! I do not have enough life insurance for that. I have 2 little kids! I need to get them raised up and responsible and stuff! I want more than anything to be real and authentic with everyone I deal with. If I am in guild chat and talking to my WoW friends I want to be me. I expect and behave the same with my family and friends. The legacy I hope to leave behind is kindness, and acceptance of others. I know this sounds all warm and fuzzy, but I really feel this way. I want a solid future for my minions, and I want to make a difference in people’s lives. I am in graduate school to be a career counselor, and I have been in that field for over 7 years. I am passionate about education and employment. 

The question for me I guess has become; if I am hiding something that really is big part of my identity am I living up to my own expectations of who I am and who I want to be? I say I am honest and authentic, but if I hold a part of me back then I am by definition betraying who I am. This would invalidate my legacy. As I think through this I really think my starting this blog and sharing my ideas here and on twitter is my reaching out to test my true identity, and to become ok with it. Once I am ok and accepting of myself I will be ok owning my whole identity, which builds my legacy. I want to be a great role model for my girls; I want them to be confident, aware of the world, and comfortable with themselves. To be confident we have to love ourselves first. The more I own all of my traits and interests the more I am able to love and accept myself. 

So to bring my rambling to a close, I know what I want my legacy to be. I am not there yet I need more work so I better not be going anywhere. I know I am not the only one who goes through this. Tell me about it, leave a comment or follow me on twitter @Jaygurrl. 

Peace and Love


  1. I grew up in a tiny town that was obsessed with surfing and dirt biking. Admitting that I loved nothing more than to just sit in my room reading Fantasy novels or playing Final Fantasy X on my PS2 was something that I never dreamed of doing!

    When I moved away and found friends who were into similar things, I became proud of my identity. I even made some new friends in unlikely places when I came back home for a visit and didn't hide my passions! Of course, it hasn't been all sunshine and roses; my mother in particular doesn't approve of my love of raiding, for example! But hey, it's my life, and it's better than going down the drugs path like so many people I grew up with ended up on.

    Good luck! I hope that you, too, can find new friends in unlikely places :)

    1. Thank you so much for reading and sharing. I am glad you have found the support you deserve and enduring friendships. I suspect my own self doubts are far worse than the eventual "coming out" will ever be. :)